The Witch (2015) — Riley Cross Reviews

Listen, I’ve spent six years behind that Blockbuster counter fighting over the last copy of *The Fifth Element* just to keep the doors open. Remember when staying in meant physical media? You want The Witch (2015). I know, I know—“Witch” sounds like another generic fright-fest rental from the back rack, right? But trust me on this one. Behind the counter, we had our bad nights, we had our weirdos, but when Robert Eggers finally dropped this in 2015, the entire staff got quiet, and for good reason.

It’s not a jump-scare movie, thank the Lord. There are no masked killers or chainsaw clichés here. This is “Puritan Horror,” set in 1630s New England. We’re talking dirt floors, wool clothes, and a family so deeply suspicious of each other that you feel like neighborhood watch duty is a crime against humanity. It’s creepy because it feels incredibly real. I remember watching the trailer on the dusty store TV and thinking, “Man, it must be hard to find a babysitter who’s okay with that kind of mood just so you can go to church on Sunday.”

What I love is how they raise the stakes. I think my favorite moment that isn't a total spoiler is when that poor goat gets stuck on a fence line, and the sudden tension makes you look at your own pets like they might be plotting something subversive. It strips away the modern comforts you rely on so you’re left with the age-old fear of the dark and the unknown. And the sound design alone is worth the rental; I’m still telling people about it. You hear breathing where there shouldn't be, just silence and the wind rustling leaves that makes you jump at the sound of your own refrigerator humming.

This is the perfect “Night In” pick. Make sure the batteries in your remote are fresh, because you’re going to be listening close. Turn off the rest of the world, lock the door, and let the panic set in. It’s fresh, it’s dusty, and it is absolutely tense as hell.

Bottom line: There is nothing scarier than a family gathering that doesn't end well.